Five

Back to reality :( The boys started back to school today and we now have to fall back into our busy, hectic scheduled life. I had my quarterly date with the rheumatologist today. All is well as he told me I'm still in remission. That made me chuckle as I said I think I will know when I'm no longer in remission because I will feel like sh*t! He said, Yea I'm sure you will know! Whenever I go to the rheumatologist I think of a passage from a book I read, "My Adventure With Lupus," by Robert L Yocum. He was diagnosed with lupus in his fifties and writes about his experiences as a man with lupus. Anyway, here is the passage he wrote that I think about often:

The wolf was slinking stealthily through the shadows, stalking its prey. Completely unaware of danger, I strode confidently through the forest. I had traveled this path before with no problems, so there was no reason to suspect trouble now. Suddenly the wold sprang from the shadows, sinking his fangs in deeply. I trembled with fear and anger to be taken so completely by surprise. As I struggled to break away, I thought of shattered goals, disrupted schedules, and frustrated family. With every attempt to escape, I felt the fangs of the wolf again and again until I despaired of even life itself. "Why me? Why am I a victim of this creature?"

Although racked by pain and fever, I was able to momentarily escape the watchful eye of this predator. As I began to make my way out of the forest, I was pursued and brought down again and again. Was there no escape from this wild and fierce animal?

As I grew stronger and found nourishment, I was able to keep a little ahead of the wolf, though constantly aware of his presence. There were times when I thought I was escaping, only to hear the fearsome howl of the wolf echoing through the hills once again. Would I ever escape this wilderness where the wolf is at home and I am a stranger?

In some places the path was steep and full of obstacles that exhausted me as I made my way over the hills and through the valleys away from the ravaging wolf. However, as strength returned and escape seemed certain, the wolf would suddenly spring from the shadows and I felt those dreaded fangs once again. "Who am I, to be stalked night and day by this tenacious wolf?"

FYI Lupus is the Latin word for wolf.

I have been in remission for just seven years now and I am thankful for each and everyday that I am given. I wouldn't change my path with lupus in any way, it has taken many things away from me, but it has also given me many things to be grateful for. If I had not gotten sick and been forced to quit working as a nurse I would have missed so many great moments with my children, as they would have been in daycare and not at home with me. It makes me look at life so much different than I used to. I appreciate the little things in life so much more and realize the most important things are family and friends and the little moments that create and form our relationships. My only advice if you have lupus or another chronic illness, stay positive, have faith in yourself and try to enjoy the simple things in life.

On a lighter note, we are sitting here watching the OSU vs Texas game. I let the boys stay up past their bedtime as they are big Longhorns fans. All I can say is Hook em Horns!